I HAVE DIED EVERYDAY WAITING FOR YOU

If someone had told Bella that she was about to change the way she thought her life would be, she probably wouldn’t have believed them. After having met Edward, she seemed clear cut to him being the one. But after he left her, disappearing into the day to leave her behind for reasons he believed to be protecting her, depression set in. For months on end she did nothing but sit around, barely going out and doing anything. But with a threat from her father, she used that to get closer to Jacob. And during that time, even after he changed and became what looked like a werewolf, she realized that she would forever be surrounded by the supernatural. But her trip to Volterra made her realize something, while she loved both Edward and Jacob, she loved someone more. People would believe that she would have turned towards Edward since she did drop everything to travel to Italy to save him, but she didn’t. The entire ride home, and the silence that filled the car between them, she realized that Edward wasn’t the one for her. The coldness that came from his body, how he could just leave her behind broken and alone, she realized that Jacob wouldn’t. And so, she ran, ran all the way to him and threw herself into his arms.

That was twenty-four hours earlier, and she had yet to talk to anyone except for her father who was rather pissed off. He grounded her, at least, he tried to ground her. As he told her he wasn’t allowed to see the Edward kid, she quickly said that they had broken up. After that, he dropped the entire subject and left her on her own. Sitting in her room for the whole night, she thought things over. Had she chosen correctly? Had breaking Edward’s heart been the right thing to do? Had turning her back on the Volturi doomed them all? Aro’s words were clear, either she was turned, or she died, it was a simple request, but now…was it? She didn’t want to die, but she didn’t want to turn either, and while there had been a part of her that wanted more out of life, how she had thought that she was born to be a vampire, Jacob made her see that maybe she was being rash. Forcing herself into a relationship with the first person she met and then following the path that he leads forth, she hadn’t thought of herself. Edward was a vampire, and because of that, she had wanted to be one.

So there she was, the morning sun having risen once again and she decided that maybe she should do something besides sit around and mop. While she thought about it, a part of her wanted to see Edward and try to explain herself, but she quickly figured that would be too awkward. She had always been the “suffer-in-silence type, ” and she was going to leave that alone, for now. Eventually, she and Edward would run into each other, and until then, she’d stay away to collect her thoughts. That left someone else, and as she thought about seeing Jacob for that tiny moment, a smile broke out on her face. Without even a word, it was decided. She grabbed the keys to her truck, dressed rather quickly and raced down the steps. Her dad was gone meaning her old beat up truck was all that was left in the driveway, and she quickly threw herself in and drove.

Arriving at the Black residence, she knocked on the door and was met with Billy Black, Jacob’s father, and her father’s best friend, and she smiled rather awkwardly. “Is Jake home?” she asked but he was quick to turn her down, Jacob had left, but he had seen her heading in a general direction. She nodded her head in thanks and headed the way he pointed; it wasn’t long before she found him, thankfully and slowly she moved towards him.

“Jake?” she questioned rather lowly.

I HAVE DIED EVERYDAY WAITING FOR YOU

For the past twenty-four hours, she had been asking herself the same thing over and over again. Had she chosen correctly? Had breaking Edward’s heart to turn her mind towards Jake destroyed something that could have been soulmates? Bella learned from a young age that soulmates didn’t exist, her mother and father were the keys to that. They had loved each other, had her and then turned down separate paths. Her mother remarrying, that just needed to have someone in her life. Maybe her mother was happy; maybe she was just doing it to have someone to love her, Bella would never know. But she thought about it, was it the same way with Edward? Had she truly loved him and he returned that love? Or was it a toxic game of fate that brought them together for Bella to realize just how toxic the vampire community and those within it was? They believed in mates, people that were their soulmates and meant to them the moment they were born. Each one had one, and for a short time, Bella thought that maybe she was that for Edward. But the moment he left her, broken and alone in the woods, which had been something someone destined for you should have never been able to do.

When she thought about it, she didn’t believe Jake could ever do that to her. He’d never leave her alone, but a part of her wondered. She had heard something about imprinting, a little thing that the shapeshifters did towards one person, be it human or another shifter, but she had learned that Jake hadn’t found his. All that time she spent with him, she wondered if he would find his true imprint and leave her. Her heart seemed to break at that thought, but she thought about it more and more. If that would be the case in the future, she’d stumble through it then. For now, she’d live in the present and take it day by day.

But at that moment, as Jake turned to her and met her concerned gaze, he looked different. He had a look in his eyes that seemed so far away; it scared her. “Jake? Are you alright?” she questioned in a small and concerned tone of voice. He seemed to look at her, just look at her, and it made her heart flutter slightly. She wasn’t being seen as food or being looked at as if she was fragile and breakable; she was being seen as if she were a person, an equal. It was something different from the gaze of Edward Cullen, and she found herself enjoying it. A smile, moments later, fluttered upon the young man’s face and she found herself returning it in her awkward way, and then it happened. He stood up, hesitant as he told her welcome home in a very uncertain voice. His arms opened, waiting for an embrace that Bella was more than happy to walk into, her arms wrapping around the warmth of his body. In contrast to Edward, the cold touch was replaced by a scolding hot one, and she found herself enjoying it a little more.

She laughed against his chest as he told her it had been a very long passage of time that he had ever to endure, “I know what you mean,” she breathed lightly as she snuggled into the warmth.

I HAVE DIED EVERYDAY WAITING FOR YOU

‘I’m fine Bells, honestly…better than fine, don’t stay away that long again…I don’t think I’d cope quite the same. I think Billy was planning on getting me restrained, or finding somewhere else to sleep,’

Her arms were wrapped around him, had placed gently upon his chest. For once in her life, she felt safe and warm. Maybe she had once felt safe with Edward, but his cool arms wrapped around her own, minutes away from being able to crush her. Sometimes she felt like she was playing with a killer, dangling her life line before his grasp and waiting for him to attack. With Jacob, it was different. She didn’t know how to explain it, but it was. It truly was something that made her heart flutter, something that barely happened with Edward. Maybe she was just settling down with the idea of the first guy that showed interest; maybe it was because he was a challenge and mystery, perhaps she just wanted something to keep her here with Charlie. Who knows, but maybe she could find out.

His arms tightened around her, and she smiled, “We wouldn’t want that, you not having a place to stay,” she said in a slightly muffled voice. And then he pulled back, taking the warmth with him, and the two sat down around where a fire would most likely have been placed. And that was when he said it, a word that she had heard many times and she took a double take. Eyes wide she looked at him before speaking, “Imprinting? You imprinted?” she questioned, swallowing slightly. She was happy; she wouldn’t have to worry about losing him. But what got her was the fact that it happened now, after she had chosen him, and not when he just liked her, and she was with Edward. What had changed to make it happen?

And then came the questioning about where her head’s been, and she bit her bottom lip slightly, “Jake, I’m—I’m just worried,” she breathed out before looking at the scorch marks on the ground. “Being with Edward put his family at risk with the Volturi, they either want me dead or turned and now that I’m with you…I promised them I would turn and now I’m going against that promise.”